ALEXANDER LOWEN
Narcissism

I have seen my little son literally jump for joy when he got

something he wanted very much. He couldn't contain his

excitement, it was so strong. That is the secret of joy - to be so

excited that one is overwhelmed by it. But to experience joy,

one must be free of anxieties about letting go and expressing

feeling. Or to put it differently, one has to be carefree and

innocent as a child. Narcissists are neither carefree nor innocent.

They have learned to play the power game, to seduce

and to manipulate. They are always thinking about how people

see and respond to them. And they must stay in control

because loss of control evokes their fear or insanity.

I am sure some of us have known moments of joy when our

egos took a back seat and the child in us was free to laugh

and love. Unfortunately, we lose our innocence too soon and

most unfortunately, we prize this loss. We don't want to be

innocents, for that leaves us open to being ridiculed and hurt.

We want to be sophisticated - that allows us to feel superior.

Sophisticated people seem to have the most fun: partying,

drinking, being a little wild, denying limits. What have the

innocents got? An open heart, simple pleasures, faith. How

much more alluring to have a sharp mind; to know all of life,

the lows as well as the highs, to have power, be admired, feel

special. The seduction of power is hard to resist, particularly

when as a child one was hurt and betrayed by those one loved. 

To sell out the kingdom of heaven for power is a devil's bargain.

It is the bargain that the narcissist makes.